


Don't love me (like you did)

by Marsonist



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Lady Gaga Song, Depression, I Tried, I just finished watching anohana, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Men Crying, Park Jinyoung real MVP, Past Relationship(s), Photographer Jaebeom, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Song: I'll never love again (Lady Gaga), Trauma, i cried, minor mentions of the rest of GOT7, model Youngjae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 20:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20432306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsonist/pseuds/Marsonist
Summary: Jaebeom doesn't want to feel another touch,he doesn't want to start another fire,he doesn't want to know another kiss,only Youngjae's name is falling from his lips.Where both of them love each other but Jaebeom still loves someone else?





	Don't love me (like you did)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2jaeismyparent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2jaeismyparent/gifts).

It was late, the clock on the train station announced the time “6:49 PM”, if it wasn’t raining and the train were not this crowded, if he could’ve not took a nap, if he could’ve go to the gym as he promised, if he wasn’t as nervous as he was right now, maybe he could get on time at the park where he was supposed to meet his friend and the place where a photoshoot was going to be held.

He was out of breath, he didn’t eat anything since lunch, his hair was messy and his lungs were hurt. He got on time though. Park Jinyoung was an evil and generous man who likes to help Youngjae, and he helped him the most this time getting for him a small part for an important magazine.

Jinyoung said it was not because of him being the manager of the shoot, but Youngjae couldn’t think of other reason why he would get called. Although, it was a bummer, all those years at the modeling school, and he was only called to model, unbelievably, only his lips.

Yeah, his lips were nice, is just that he didn’t even knew it was possible to get called to photograph only his lips. He was going to get paid, so it was not so bad after all.

“You should’ve told me to wear something different, I feel so out of place” he hissed to his friend embarrassed, all the people around him were wearing so nice clothes compared to him, in his opinion.

“I told you to come comfortable, I didn’t expect you to come wearing this baggy pants” Jinyoung laughed.

“Don’t laugh at me!”

“Sorry, sorry” but he kept laughing.

“Choi Youngjae?” from the other side of the huge room, a skinny man called his name.

“It’s me!”

“Oh” he came closer looking at the model and he smiled kindly, “so you’re our new lips model, they’re really gorgeous but why the hell are they chapped?”

Youngjae covered them embarrassed, he just forgot to apply some lip balm, that was it, now he was going to get fired, didn’t he? “I …”

“It’s okay. It’s my job, isn’t it?”

The skinny many introduced himself as Bambam, the makeup artist. Youngjae and him talked about his skin and the problem he had with some products for his lips and Bambam was totally amazing with natural options and tips for Youngjae and his allergies, tips he didn’t know and now he was so grateful with him, they got a long pretty quickly.

“And… why haven’t we started?” Youngjae was ready, and so many other models; it was weird.

“The photographer is late; he’s stuck on traffic or some other lame excuse. Jinyoung, our manager, already called him so don’t worry about it”

“My teacher would get mad if the photographer came late”

“Yeah, anyone would. But Jaebeom is special; this is his first photoshoot since so long ago”

“Really? What happened?”

“Oh… Uh…” the makeup artist opted to change subject.

20 minutes later, the doors slammed open, it was him, Youngjae assumed. He was wearing a huge t-shirt with big letters saying “motorbike”, jeans and slippers, his hair black was messy and down, almost covering his eyes.

“Let’s begin!” he said cheerful, he didn’t even apologized for being late but everyone just did as he told. Maybe it was usual from him.

Youngjae was in awe, so this is what a professional photoshoot looked like: flashes once and again and again and the models didn’t blink at all, the photographer moved here and there looking for the perfect angle, smiling and it looked like he enjoyed his job. Youngjae shook his head. As much as he thought he practiced, it felt so different, so real, so heavy crashing his chest wondering if it was okay to be there with all this models in the same place.

It was the lips model’s turn, Bambam called for him again and brought him to sit on a tall chair in front of everyone and all the eyes were on him and his hobo clothes. Bambam told him “Just smile, your lips are perfect, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

There was something to be afraid of though, it was right in front of the rookie model, watching at him without moving, just staring at him from the head to the toes, that was it, now he was going to get fired, didn’t he? The photographer walked towards him, serious as a piece of ice, cold stare which could freeze everyone. Youngjae was not the type to get freeze however, he almost freaked out.

“I… I’m sorry if my clothes are this messy--“

The other man grabbed him with one hand by the cheeks, making his lip pout and his face disfigure on a weird but cute expression. Youngjae could’ve snapped right there and punch the photographer no matter the times Jinyoung told him he was an important personality in the industry or Bambam saying he was special. But… his eyes met immediately, there up close, Youngjae saw something that he never saw on anyone before. It was an intense and sharped gaze, dark colored pupils and two dots over one eyelid.

“You’re beautiful” the taller man said, still not letting the model go. His eyes traveled from his chin to his eyes, then back again to his lips and then at his nose. Again, at his eyes, he stopped and Youngjae could swear it, his eyes shined.

“Bambam, bring Mark’s sketchbook, please” he shouted freeing the model’s cheeks to looked away to the makeup artist direction; Youngjae just raised his hands to cover his pink and sore face. “We’ll work sketch #2 with him”

“Are you serious? You said…”

“I know, but I think he’s just perfect” they both looked at Youngjae, the model was at the edge of a panic attack but he was good hiding it.

“Boss” he whispered, although Youngjae heard them clearly. “He has a nice ass, I think is better the sketch #3”

“You’re right” he looked at Youngjae once again “Choi Youngjae, I want to do a full body session with you, we will pay you of course, only if you’re agree” he said calmly.

“Me? I mean… Yeah, but… Me?”

“Yeah. You came from the Model’s schools, right? Jinyoung’s recommendation? Can’t you do it?”

“Me…? Of course! I… I’ll do my best!”

“Okay, Bambam, bring him the clothes to change. He looks like my weird uncle right now”

─

All those afternoons breaking his ass practicing in front of the classroom’s mirrors, all the nights he spend exercising, all the diets he followed, all the party nights he declined, all the days off he skipped… All worthless now that he was in front of a camera with dozens of professional models around him, all of them looking at him and his stylized hairstyle and the branded and expensive clothes he was wearing.

“Youngjae-yah…” he was so patient, maybe too much, it was good but it didn’t feel good at the same time, the way the photographer looked at him, like if he could see through him.

“Y-yeah?”

“Just relax, I’m the boss here, no one is judging you”

“I do know that… I just… This is my first time”

The man with the camera laughed “It’s okay, but we pay per hour, I think is not fair if we don’t get the shot that I want. Look at me, breathe. You’re stunning, you got this, play with me and show me all what you have. Listen: you rule here”

“Okay…” he said calmer, breathing, feeling comforted. This photographer was so different from the ones at the school.

─ 

“The last shot for tonight! Thank you for your hard work, everyone!”

It was time to go, the session ended, or at least, Youngjae’s photos. He was changing his clothes to his normal self again, ignoring the feeling in his chest to go over the photographer and thank him properly because if it wasn’t for him, maybe he could’ve passed away. He didn’t want to, he wanted to go away and eat something. For his good luck, the photographer appeared in front of him. Good thing he already finished with his clothes.

“Youngjae”

“Uh… Boss?” they both smiled.

“I think I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Jaebeom, Lim Jaebeom”

“I… I’m Choi Youngjae”

“I know” it was obvious, through all the photoshoot he didn’t stopped of saying his name out loud to bring him back to earth. It was nice to know his name finally. It was Youngjae’s chance.

“Uh… Thank you--“

“I wanted to thank you” Jaebeom interrupted quickly. “Yours is one of the funniest and enjoyable photo sessions I have ever had. You did a great job; your photos are amazing!”

“Me? I think I was thanks to you, you helped me a lot” he said in a rush.

“I was thinking…” Jaebeom voice was hiding some desperation. “Can I call you if I ever need a model like you again?”

This was not good. His heart bumping all over the place, his eyes fixed on the other ones, his lips ready to say yes but his brain feeling like something was not right, Jaebeom waiting cutely excited with his cute eyebrows up in expectation, his perfect smile inviting him to open his chest to him. They just met, how could this happen like this out of nowhere, of all of the places, why at work and at his first professional photoshoot. This just looked like a rom-com scene, an awful one.

He agreed at the end. They exchange numbers and that’s how it started, the most painful experience of Youngjae’s life.

─ ♦ ─

Jaebeom called him again, and again, and again at the point where the two of them were considered as an indivisible team, they got to work together for so many people, magazines, runways, they got to meet so many famous faces willing to work with them no matter the cost.

Youngjae accepted the first time because it was fun to work with him and then the second one, and the third one, and all the next times, he didn’t hesitate no more, Jaebeom made him feel good, beautiful, important, brave and more, much more.

Both of them knew it, they get along pretty well. They learn from each other, they complement each other, their taste in music is similar and there’s always a ringing bell on Youngjae’s belly whenever he sees them, but he pretends it’s only a professional enthusiasm and dedication to his job.

Together they explore different genres on photography, things Jaebeom would’ve never tried before and things Youngjae would’ve never dare to do before; like that photoshoot they had in Africa, with the nature at his back and wearing only black boxers and a fake-cheetah-printed-cape.

Or when they went to Germany for a cover of a magazine, taking pictures and modeling at the Linderhof Palace, Youngjae felt like a king with the costume he wore that time and Jaebeom wouldn’t stop smiling as he was taking pictures of him.

There was one time when Jaebeom was hired to do a photoshoot on a pool, one of the scariest days on Youngjae’s life, he didn’t even want to get inside, as much as he was told the pool water was not bleached, he never knew how to contain his air underwater there and he denied from the beginning. That day he almost drowns, it was not because of his nervousness, he was actually doing it pretty well, the pictures were fantastic, but the clothes he was wearing got tangled on his arms first and when he tried to go to the surface, it got stuck on his face, not allowing him to breathe. Jaebeom was quick and threw away the camera and swam fast to save him. He was unconscious when he got to the outside.

When he opened his eyes, he was at their hotel room, staring at the ceiling, finding one of his hands tangled with another one. It was Jaebeom’s hand on his; he was lying at his side, sleeping, his eyes puff and red nose. Jaebeom opened his eyes and stared at him with caution, scared of breaking the visual contact, afraid of him. The taller man was deadly serious; no emotions could escape from his face.

The younger male grabbed the taller one by the cheeks, just like he did the first time they met. Youngjae was smiling, he couldn’t see the real expression on Jaebeom’s face because of the distortion he was causing or Youngjae could have known. “Are you okay, Jaebeom?”

“Are you serious? You almost─” he didn’t want to say the next word. He hit Youngjae’s hand to put it away.

“I’m okay. You look awful though”

“Youngjae, I don’t… You don’t know how scared…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Is not even your fault, it’s mine, I should’ve listen to you from the very beginning”

“Hey, I’m fine anyway, you’re fine too” Youngjae’s arms found the way to linger themselves to Jaebeom’s back to hug him tight, to ask him to stay, to feel their hearts racing for each other. Youngjae raised his hand to hold Jaebeom’s cheek one more time, gentler, softly, pulling him to watch his eyes. Jaebeom hold his hand again, to put it away.

“I’m not fine.” He said heavy into the darkness of the room, his voice felt like resonating on the walls and on Youngjae’s chest, why was he feeling sad?

They were used to share room when they traveled around, their excuse was to save some money and they were pretty comfortable with each other, so there was no problem at all. At cold nights, they even shared beds and blankets and to be very honest, Youngjae liked it.

That night, Jaebeom who was holding his hand tightly, insecure, he let go from him and then rolled over the bed to look at the ceiling. Youngjae knew nothing, he could have never assumed what was wrong or he would have never asked and would have never dared. He needed to know.

“What’s wrong?”

“We need to stop seeing each other”

“Why…?”

“Because… I’m too selfish and… I think it would be the best for you. You have to work with more people, you need to explore the world without me”

“What if I want to stay with you?”

“You shouldn’t”

“Why is that? Jaebeom, this was just a little bump on the road, I’m fine, truly. Why are you saying this?”

“Because… I can’t keep up with this”

“What do you mean? Just say it. Do you… Don’t you like me?”

“I do.”

Then, why was he telling him to get apart? “I don’t understand. Why do you want me to leave?”

“This was just a mistake… I didn’t expect this to become like this, I wasn’t planning to be this close to you and it hurts…”

“What are you talking about? Jaebeom…”

“I love someone already…”

His rejection it wasn’t as dramatic as Youngjae imagined, he knew Jaebeom was cautious with him, the times he got the chance to confess his feelings, to kiss him while being on his arms, but Jaebeom always pulled away so Youngjae thought it was not the right timing. This changed everything.

Jaebeom loved someone else and of course it hurt; he who became so important in his life, someone he trust and somehow he ended up liking him.

But, who was it? It’s been a year since they were together and Jaebeom didn’t ever mention anyone else. They had a lot of friends, like that Olympic Medalist, Wang; when they visited China, or to that famous choreographer from Korea, Yugyeom; Bambam sometimes stuck with them in some photoshoots and the storyboard artist Mark Tuan; Jinyoung used to called them once in a while to ask about Jaebeom and even more people… they were always concern about them, more like concern about Jaebeom, Youngjae thought it was because Jaebeom was easy to love. Many people liked to be friends with him but no one as close as Youngjae.

So… who was it?

“You must be hungry, do you wanna eat?” Jaebeom said softly again, standing up from the bed, his eyes still off.

“No, I want you to tell me more”

“Let’s talk while eating. I am hungry”

“Who is it?” Youngjae asked. Jaebeom sighed with a little smile, freaking Jaebeom; smiling on a situation like this… it was so like him.

They both got out of the bed and walked out of the room, at the living room, Jaebeom asked for some food at the phone, meanwhile, he prepared the table with plates, mugs and home-made (Jaebeom-made) coffee. The taller male asked Youngjae to sit down; the curiosity was insane so he just did as he asked.

The food arrived. Jaebeom sat in front of the now experienced model and they started to eat. In silence for a few minutes, Youngjae watching him eat because he really found it pleasing but also waiting for his words. He already asked twice, so he doesn’t want to push him more. He stares at his mug, a simple piece of ceramic color blue, a gift from Jaebeom when they were in New York, that day it rained so hard, the photo session got cancelled and the photographer was so mad… Youngjae remembered how red his face went on rage, the trip was going to be for nothing, until Youngjae suggested a session on the hotels room. They had a nice view of the city, flooded in rain, but still, with a magical side with Youngjae as a model. Jaebeom gifted to him the mug, because there was no other shop open and it was all he could get from a convenience store, desperate to thank Youngjae and his patience.

“Youngjae” his voice brought him back to the present. “I’m sorry”

“What for?”

“For… letting you come into my life”

“I don’t regret it”

“I regret so many things”

“Do you regret meeting me for the first time?”

“No…”

“Then…?”

“There was someone before I met you, way back before I had got this job”

Youngjae listened to him and the story of how they met at college, Jaebeom was going to study laws and how he met that person, how that person made him stop and think about his life decisions to chase his dream with photography. Of how his world changed afterwards and even if his parents almost kicked him out of the house, that person stayed with him. Of how they together bought their first house and he learn what a bill was. A little funny story of how they adopted a baby cat which looked alone at a pet shelter and Jaebeom felt compassion for her, when they reach home, Nora (the cat’s name) stopped hiding her shy behavior and she became the owner of the house with Jaebeom cleaning her mess all the day.

Jaebeom talked about how they almost get married.

“What happened then?” it was late, maybe after midnight but none of them was sleepy, how could they?

“There was a car accident…”

“Oh, no… Jaebeom, I’m─”

“Don’t say it, I don’t know why am I telling you all this but… that’s why─”

Youngjae rushed standing up to embrace the photographer with his arms around his neck, strongly, like his feelings for him, in an attempt to reach his heart and let him know he was not alone anymore. The thing is; that was not the problem.

“I don’t want to hurt you…” he said to his hear. Youngjae thought Jaebeom was crying but his eyes were dry.

“You won’t… It’s okay, I understand…”

“No… I─” he tried to step back but Youngjae held him tight. “Youngjae, please”

“You’re not alone”

“I know…”

“You have me”

“You don’t have me…”

“Uh?”

“Every time we laugh, every time we dance, every time you hug me, every time I tried to kiss you… I remember him. When you’re not around, I can’t stop thinking of what we could be doing if he didn’t die, what could have been of his career, what could have happened if that time I could’ve make him stay with me and stop the truck that hit his car. When I feel happy with you, I close my eyes trying to think of a happy ending but I can’t, I still think of him. I don’t want to kiss you and still think of him, you deserve better Youngjae…”

Jaebeom pushed him gently and he let go of his arms crushing his heart which was holding on from his chest, Youngjae fell in the floor defeated, looking down not knowing what to do or say. This was not fair and at the same time, he was glad Jaebeom told him all this. He could never stop loving him and that hurt the most.

“Youngjae… I’m sorry”

“Stop it…” he said with no sound.

_“I will never love you the same as I loved him”._

They went to sleep late, waking up the next morning as if nothing had happened, they shared breakfast, they dressed up, they packed their belongings, they took a taxi to the airport, they flew back to Korea and with a kiss on their cheeks they said goodbye for the last time.

─ ♦ ─

Weeks passed by and there was no other call from Jaebeom for the next photoshoot. No messages, no twitter mentions, no instagram likes; nothing. His phone was not working. Youngjae got worried. He contacted all his friends to ask about him, to know if he was okay, everyone he knew or might know about him. No one knew a thing since that day at the airport.

“I’m getting desperate over here. I don’t know what to do” Youngjae was talking over the phone.

“Did you try to call Jinyoung? They know each other since high school I think”

“Yeah; no answer”

“I called Yugyeom but he said he had not heard of him recently”

“Bambam… Did you know about his…?”

“Know about his ex-boyfriend? Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I, ME, do it? That’s a personal matter of him”

“I guess but…”

“It wouldn’t have been the same if I had told you, isn’t it? I hoped that at least meeting new people would’ve been good for him. When you two got along so well, I decided to not interfere and I trusted he might open to you. I’m sorry I guess”

“I think… I think I did nothing good for him”

─

Early in the morning, the voice of Adam Levine singing “Sunday Morning” woke him up; that was Jaebeom’s ringtone. The speed Youngjae woke up and reach the phone was incredible even for him. It was indeed his number, he answered the call immediately but unsure to speak up.

“Youngjae”

“Yeah?”

“It’s Jinyoung”

“Jinyoung? Why…? Where have you been? I… I was so worried. Please, tell me everything is alright”

“Well… not exactly alright. Can you come here?”

Jinyoung texted him the address but Youngjae knew where it was, it was Jaebeom’s parents house. Youngjae tried to ask for more, Jinyoung said nothing and he had no other choice than take a flight to Ilsan.

─

Youngjae met Jaebeom’s parents for the first time, he and Jinyoung had dinner with them and everything was good, everything was awfully good. Why was he there? Where was Jaebeom? Why did Jinyoung bring him here? Their parents were so kind to him, apparently Jaebeom talked about him to them and Youngjae felt sick, the guilty of not been able to help him more.

He tried his best to pull out his shiniest smile and pretend everything was okay, to not ask about Jaebeom, just because Jinyoung was doing the same. The dinner ended and Jinyoung and him said their goodbyes.

Now it was time. He followed the manager outside, through the dark streets of the town.

“Jinyoung, where’s─”

“Did you know about his lost?” Youngjae nodded holding his chest. “He… When you two came back to Korea, weeks ago, Jaebeom called me and told me he regretted everything, that’s it and then he hung up. He didn’t tell what so I got worried. I came here with his parents and they knew nothing about him out of normal, then I thought about the only place he would go here in Ilsan if it wasn’t his parent’s place” he paused, looking now at the young model. “At his grave”.

Youngjae felt his heart falling, for a moment he thought it was Jaebeom's grave and that almost kills him too, but he got it seconds later, he was talking about the ex-partner of Jaebeom. The one he couldn't forget and didn't let him love anyone else. So was he there all this time? Why his parents didn't know anything about him? 

They kept walking, Youngjae following him and Jinyoung talking “And I found him at night, sitting at a bench in front of that grave, I found him almost dead, he probably stood there for hours or maybe the full day with no food of water, no sleeping or at least a hairbrush, he smelled awfully, he said no words, there was no tears, I just pull him out of there and I brought him at this motel”

The man he loved was at the other side of the door, Jinyoung told him he was there and he warned him about his looks “I called you because… He was happy with you”.

He didn’t bother to knock the door and he pushed it open and got inside leaving Jinyoung behind. The door closed behind him, he walked in looking for the disappeared man. He was there, sitting in the bed looking at the floor first and then at the model. Jaebeom was there in the middle of hundreds of papers and photos, handwritten letters and dirty tissues, his eyes were puffy and red signal of insomnia, his hair was a mess and who knows where that horrible smell was coming from. Youngjae quickly prayed it was not from him.

It was obvious, he thought, it was obvious to who was the letters for, the pictures with moments from their past together probably, tissues with his tears for that other man.

And he was wrong.

There were more and more pictures of Youngjae all over the floor, the walls, the chairs; everywhere, moments from their trips together all over the world. There were poems or maybe song lyrics with his name on paper, on some tissues, notebooks, there even were lyrics written in his hands.

“What are you doing here?” Youngjae talked first. Jaebeom did not replied, he just watched him walking and then taking seat at his side. “Jaebeom, talk to me”

Jaebeom tried but there was no voice coming from his throat, there was a knot blocking his words. So he decided to write on paper.

_“I visited him”_

“I know”

_“I asked him… if it was okay to be with you”_

“What did he say?”

_“He’s dead─────” _his hand slipped from the pencil.

Not even once he saw Jaebeom welled up tears before, Jaebeom was like a safe place, a light house to look for when Youngjae was feeling lost; that’s what he made him feels since the very beginning, since they met, he always admired how strong he looked and how just looking at his eyes he could felt peace.

Then, why was he still the same? Even with big tears falling from his cheeks, why was Youngjae still thinking he was the strongest man on earth? The same guy he was in love with, the same charming sweet heart he liked to hear beating, the same deep eyes where he could watch the stars from; he was the same guy he met one rainy day when he thought his lips were going to debut in the modeling world.

“I can’t change the past, Jaebeom. I can’t bring him back and I’ll do it if I could just to stop you from suffer”

Jaebeom was the first one to touch him, firm hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb to wipe the tears falling from Youngjae’s eyes. Youngjae did the same, both hands of him setting gently on his cheeks. “What are you doing to me?”

“I want to take care of you”

“I’m afraid… what if I forget about him. I loved him like I thought I would never love someone else. If I love you… what does that even mean?”

“I don’t want you to love me” Youngjae smiled, hot breathe and cold cheeks what all what Jaebeom was feeling.

“You don’t?”

“Not the way you did. You’re right, you will never love anyone the way you loved him and that is okay…”

“Why…?”

“Because I want you to love me on a new different way, a way you never loved someone before”

“I do love you”

Youngjae pull of him to kiss his forehead, he smiled at him and let him go. “I’ll help you clean up here, go and take a shower. You need it” he said holding his nose with two fingers.

“You? Cleaning?”

“You get my point, hurry up!”

The rest of the night flew fast, it was true Youngjae did not liked to clean but more than put on papers on the trash, he found himself fascinated with each piece of Jaebeom’s work, he always thought his works were amazing, these ones though were beyond that, pictures he didn’t even notice he took at some point; pictures of him eating ramen, pictures of him taking off his makeup, Youngjae laughed so hard when he found the picture of them at a rollercoaster; all of them precious moments they lived just on one year, the best year of his life.

“Stop looking at those” Jaebeom was out of the bathroom looking better, wearing cleaner clothes and no shoes.

“What do you mean, stalker?”

“Shut up, uncle Youngjae”

They ordered delivery food, they ate, they talked none sense, they laughed none sense. Youngjae asked if he could visit him too, Jaebeom was not expecting that, but he agreed to take him someday. Then, when they finished, it was time to say goodbye.

“You don’t have to… to take those papers, they’re just trash”

“I’ll judge that, Jaebeom”

“Just throw them away”

“I will, if I want to”

Youngjae put a hand on the door handle and Jaebeom’s hand stopped him from open it up “You don’t have to leave, if you don’t want to…”

“You know I don’t want to”

Step by step, the distance between them got less and less, at the point where they were standing in front of each other only a few centimeters from the other. Youngjae was brave, he was the first one to jump if he wanted, this time, he waited for him, because he didn’t pretend to force anything, he has waited patiently until now, why don’t wait a few centimeters more.

“I thought… I wouldn’t want anyone to touch me ever again, I pretended my feelings for you were just admiration and friendship, I convinced myself that you deserved something better than me… But, you’re the one who wants me, don’t you?”

“I do. And you?”

The door was slammed hard, the windows glass shook, the cheap chandelier in the room was hanging side to side because of the impact, Youngjae’s heart was beating fast and Jaebeom’s hands moved around the model’s neck. The time stopped around them while their lips were meeting voraciously.

Jaebeom pull him in to deepen the kiss, to not let him go at any cost, to leave him out of breath and Youngjae didn’t mind, his lips were delicious enough to not want to get apart quickly, the air was not important when you were drowning their fears and welding their chests onto each other.

They were really running out of air, their lungs were burning looking for oxygen; it was a pity, neither of them wanted to stepped back.

“Jaebeom” he gasped.

“Youngjae…I love you”

“I love you too”

Somehow they ended up eating each other on the bed, without taking off their clothes, Jaebeom pressing his body on top of Youngjae and Youngjae pulling him more as if it was possible to be closer than this just to kiss him different each time, different angle, different color, different weather; it wasn’t raining anymore. The few pictures on the walls were the only witnesses of their fond.

Next morning, when the sun came up with amber colored light filtering through the windows. They were still hugging each other as if something could take them apart by now. They could call Jinyoung and let him know they were fine. Maybe later on.

Youngjae ran his fingers on Jaebeom's hair, to look at his smiley eyes and just kiss his nose again. He was madly in love, and so Jaebeom was.

Their words were still resonating on the silent room:

_“Because I want you to love me on a new different way,  
a way you never loved someone before”_

_“I do love you”_

_─ ♥ ─_

**Author's Note:**

> So this was because I met pain again through a song askjdf
> 
> Sal, this is maybe not what you wanted, but this is what it came into my mind when you mentioned the song.  
I don't want to hurt them and I really tried my best to convey a healty relation ship, I hate to make them suffer more than needed.
> 
> I'm a sucker for happy endings alskjdfhaksdf  
I hope you enjoyed it ♥


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